4 years ago

Four years ago I got the biggest shock of a lifetime.  Most of you who know our family, know what I am talking about.  Four years ago today my twin boys were born, the thing is we didn't know that their were two babies.  I had a completely normal pregnancy with one little boy.  After Jakob was born, they laid him on my chest and I couldn't believe that I was actually a mother to this little boy.  Then all the sudden, the doctor shouts "I need more nurses!! There is another one in there!!".  Channing was born 5 minutes later.  Thankfully, both boys were healthy and happy.  Kindt and I were in complete shock and couldn't believe that we were now the parents of not one, but TWO little boys.  I have always thought of Channing as my miracle child because of this experience.

The first night in the hospital after the boys were born, Kindt and I didn't get a lot of sleep.  We were talking about how we suddenly had twins and what that meant.  I was so scared.  I didn't know how to take care of one baby let alone two!  I asked Kindt why he thought why Heavenly Father gave us these two little boys.  I remember vividly Kindts answer "Because Heavenly Father trusts us".  I knew that we could do anything and that while it was not going to be easy Heavenly Father trusted me with these two sweet little boys and that with that trust I could do this and I would do the best that I could.

These comforting words from my husband came back to me when we found out that Channing had Leukemia.  I didn't wonder why we were dealt this hand, or get upset at God for 'doing this' to our son, to our family.  I knew that Heavenly Father trusted us and that was good enough.  We would do our best, rely on God and we would get through this.  Now, this is not to say that I didn't get upset that my son had to deal with this, or get angry at cancer for taking away certain things, or get mad at cancer for changing our family dynamics.  I did and still do get angry and cancer for disrupting our lives.  But, I do not 'blame' God or get angry at God for doing this because I know that He knows all and can see the bigger picture.  I have already seen the amazing changes for the good in our family because of Channing's cancer, I have seen the changes in others, I have seen the changes in myself.  I know that we have a lot more growing to do and that we will get through this and we will all be stronger for this trial. 

Since cancer struck days like this I get a little emotional.  Almost exactly 4 months ago I didn't know if my son was going to live through this or not.  I didn't know if my son was going to get a 4th birthday.  Thankfully, my son is doing amazingly well.  And the fear of death is not really something we worry about.  He most likely will not die from cancer (95% survival rate).  I am grateful that my son has made it to his 4th birthday and I know that he will have many many more birthdays.  I am excited to see my little boys continue to grow and learn and love watching them every day. 

I am truly blessed to have twins and am thankful for my crazy little (how long can I call them little for??) boys every day.  They are the best of friends, and will always have a built in confidant and friend forever. 

HAPPY BIRTHDAY JAKOB AND CHANNING!!!