Arizona

I went to Arizona this past weekend to go to my Grandmother's funeral.  It was a very emotional experience for me, in the expected way and in a very unexpected way.  Funerals are very difficult for obvious reasons. My grandmother will be missed.  She was very loved, and I have a lot of fond memories in the past years with her.  What I wasn't expecting was the onset of emotions related to Channing's Leukemia.  We were in Arizona exactly 2 years ago one week before Chan was diagnosed with cancer.  Arizona is the last place that my baby had his innocence before it was so forcefully taken from him.  Arizona was the last place that my son played without constant santitizing, without fear of germs, without any cares in the world beyond the now.  Arizona was the last place I was a mostly carefree mother - I didn't carry sanitizer all the time, I didn't cringe when my son would touch something other kids touched, I didn't have to worry about eating 2 hours before bedtime so his food wouldn't interact with his meds, etc.  I didn't expect to feel so emotional in Arizona.  While it was a very hard thing going back for the first time since diagnosis, I am so very grateful that my kids and I got to have such a great, positive, carefree visit with all the family the week before our life forever changed.  I guess I still never know just when the emotions of Channing's Leukemia will creep their way to the surface.